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Post by harpalyce on Nov 15, 2012 20:59:37 GMT -6
That's why you should ship Broh instead. It's like pair the spares, but with more rampant cocks and hot yaois. So you just get accused of being a yaoi fangirl instead! /thumbsup No current rant, but I just wanted to leave this here... it's something I mantain and habitually reblog on tumblr. It's just a good list of resources if you're in a mild crisis - feeling really anxious, depressed, etc. harpalyce.tumblr.com/post/24137295994/a-big-post-of-relaxation-stuffI'm not a psych but it's stuff that helps me pull out of a spiral and gets me in a better headspace, so maybe it helps other people too.
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Post by advocaat on Nov 16, 2012 1:56:54 GMT -6
@ Boogum
No way! Really? You've found yourself in a pretty tight position. I can't even imagine how I'd handle that. I have a hard enough time rejecting boys who aren't going through emotional crises. So, basically he's latched onto you, as well as superimposed all of his hopes and dreams onto you.
You said he even brought up marriage? Oh deary dear. Get another person involved. See if you can't deflect some of that infatuation somehow. No matter how bad you feel, you are not responsible for his attachment. I'm sure I don't need to tell you, but don't continue to cater to him or you'll both be miserable.
Maybe you could gently let him down while assuring him that he's a great person and a better girl is out there somewhere? Don't stop being supportive, but definitely find a way to nip this in the bud.
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Post by advocaat on Nov 16, 2012 3:04:41 GMT -6
I think that's how I'd handle it too. Through email. The distance gives him time to think about what you have to say and reflect on it.
I too have had lots of issues with people mistaking my friendship for romantic interest. I'm like Ty Lee -- naturally flirty. One of the problems with being a girl is that boys always seem to think that being friendly toward them means they have a shot with you, and that always ends up with you being pushed into situations where you're forced to be the "bad guy". (heaven forbid a man ever learns to take a hint).
I hope your friend doesn't react too poorly to your rejection. Nothing's worse than feeling like you've shattered someone's trust in you, especially when that was never your intention.
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Post by advocaat on Nov 16, 2012 23:13:25 GMT -6
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. He set himself up for that though. You can't just dump all of your baggage on someone. It isn't fair.
Hopefully he'll come to realize the position he put you in and understand that you weren't trying to be cruel.
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Post by harpalyce on Nov 16, 2012 23:23:04 GMT -6
Is there a way for you to bring a third person into this - preferably a neutral party, and possibly one with mental health professional credentials...? Honestly, don't hesitate to be firm with him and if he gets aggressive PLEASE don't be afraid to get authorities involved!
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Post by advocaat on Nov 16, 2012 23:46:07 GMT -6
I feel like such a hypocrite saying this, but just be firm with him. His feelings aren't more important than your own, regardless of whatever trauma is in his past. Don't let him guilt you into anything. And DO NOT SETTLE. This is Aang on the balcony, and you just need to say no.
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Post by advocaat on Nov 17, 2012 1:25:35 GMT -6
How long were the two of you friends?
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Post by advocaat on Nov 17, 2012 2:01:45 GMT -6
Well, at least you're not losing a long time friend.
There are other fish in the sea for him. He just needs a bit of a reality check.
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Post by mrspettyfer on Nov 17, 2012 2:24:58 GMT -6
He's over the anger now and has reached the 'We're perfect for each other, you just haven't realised it yet' stage. I actually feel a bit sick. I don't know how to make it clear that this isn't going to go anywhere without hurting him again. You are totally Korra and he is Bolin right now. lMaybe he has a brother you can kiss? lol Kidding. Bad joke, haha. No, I've been in your situation. It's always hard letting down someone, especially when you don't feel the same and don't think you ever will. This has happened to me many times and I was always so frustrated because I WANTED to like them that way, but I just couldn't get past being friends. Sometimes you just have to be really firm to the point that it does hurt them, but in the long run it's for the best. It sounds like you're right in that he likes the idea more than anything. Not anything against you! lol But you know what I mean? After suffering a loss, there is a place that is missing and people often try to find a way to patch it up. Did he really say this? "I would have married you, Had your kids, and lived with you" because that would freak anyone out, especially if you haven't known eachother that long.
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Post by harpalyce on Nov 17, 2012 10:58:31 GMT -6
Wow, if he's delving into emotional blackmail, that's a clear sign that you can throw up your hands with a clear conscience. Tell him straight-up that if he's suicidal, you are not a mental health professional, you have your boundaries and he is crossing them, and you cannot help him. Direct him towards the help he needs. Even if this means calling 911 and telling them your friend is suicidal.
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